Research is Me-Search
Friday, November 27, 2025
If you have ever found yourself in the “self-help” section of your local bookstore, do you marvel at the many books with catchy titles that “speak to you?” Are you amazed when you discover that the “authority” on a certain subject confesses that their chosen field of research was admittedly “me-search”?
You will find that many pioneers of fields that help us with self-development adopt this moniker of “me-search” with humility and humor. You will also find an embodied passion for their research and desire to share it with the world. These pioneers were solving for their own issues by digging deep into research to figure out why they grappled with some big stuff in their own lives. Their me-search became the research that can have extraordinary positive impacts on all of us.
This morning, I took a glance at the covers and titles of books in my personal library that have most definitely had positive impacts on me and my own personal growth.
There is a forest green cover on the book entitled “Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life” written by Dacher Keltner, a psychology professor at University of California, Berkley. Dacher wrote this book when immersed in his grief over the loss of his beloved brother. He was driven by grief and the empty hole in his life created by his brother’s absence to find a way back to feeling alive, connected and able to honor his brother. He found the solace and the compass he needed in the very same places he’d frequented with his brother so often throughout their childhood — out in nature. Dacher’s me-search began on a mountain trail and called him to a higher purpose. He unearthed the incredible transformational power of being “awed by nature” to help us all understand how being out in nature, appreciating the wonders and mysteries, opens us up to deeper appreciation and gratitude.
Today, there is a whole new field of environmental neuroscience, pioneered by Dr. Marc Berman, who is diving deeper into the benefits our brains derive from time spent in nature. Not surprisingly, Dr. Berman’s newest book, “Nature and the Mind: The Science of How Nature Improves Cognitive, Physical and Social Wellbeing.” Its jacket cover is also a deep forest green (and this color was chosen with intention).
Another book, bearing a crimson red cover, is “Fierce Self Compassion: How To Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Your Power, Thrive” by Dr. Kristin Neff. More than 2 decades ago, we would have thought of self compassion as this soft concept of self-care, very mushy and woo woo. But that crimson red cover and the provocative word “Fierce” reveals that self-compassion is a powerful psychological tool that shifts us from our primitive nervous system to our para-sympathetic nervous system. This is a dynamic power move - putting us in control of our emotions and capable of acting and responding with core values, working memory, and our executive functions. Kristin reveals much of her own personal story in her compelling book; it becomes self-evident that she harnessed the power of self compassion to move her from a well-honed state of “fight, flight or freeze” into personal empowerment. Kristin’s me-search set off a huge chain reaction of incredible neuroscience research into our 2 nervous systems.
A companion book to Fierce Self Compassion is “Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You” by Ethan Kross. The background of the cover is white so that the swinging, colorful dots of red, orange, yellow and green really pop! It is a visual image of emotions swinging much like a pendulum - and sends the message that we can prevent our emotions from swinging much too far. Ethan’s book was inspired by the “me-search” he was pursuing to manage his emotions in healthier and more productive ways. He shares very relatable, do-able tools and skills to shift us from that primary nervous system that keeps us dis-regulated and moves us with ease to our para-sympathetic nervous system. He builds on Kristin Neff’s research in way that makes it even easier for us to understand and to integrate.
I believe that we need to come up with a whole new language for “self help, self improvement and finding ourselves”. The me-search that these pioneers have done, inspired by their own pursuit of a better way to show up in life, has been the impetus for deep research and compelling new tools and skills that most definitely help us live more meaningful and inspired lives.
Me-search, research and re-thinking are all stepping stones in a lifelong learning process that should feel dynamic, encouraging and motivational. We can be so grateful for all those brave people who decided to go deep and do the me-search that they needed - and share it with all of us.
A little footnote here: Dr. Peter Attia wrote the book “Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity” a few years ago and underscored the importance of one of the most relevant chapters - the one on emotional health. He reminds us to ponder - what good is living longer if you are miserable? His book was also me-search and in his book he reveals how his own emotional dis-regulation was causing him to put everything he valued and loved the most at great risk. He did a deep dive into emotional health to transform his own - and gave us a guidebook to do the same.
We are living in an age where “self help” is no longer a suitable moniker for the work we all need to do to live productive, healthy, emotionally rich, deeply connected lives.
Personal growth and self discovery are the key ingredients of growing into our full potential, living with purpose in each phase of our life and giving us the greatest return on our investment in this organic process. We are meant to help each other with this work, not do it alone or in a vacuum.
Keep this in mind today - be grateful for all the incredible me-search that so many have pursued so that we have the research to draw on.
